The many, many reasons why Snape changed sides
by Dogedoos
Summary: the sight of Snape, sopping wet, assaulted by Grindylows, and bearing the signs of an overly protective Squid.
1. MIDNIGHT BLUE, DO YOU HEAR ME?

'I said MIDNIGHT BLUE, NOT NAVY BLUE! YOU IDIOT!'

Wormtail cowered as Voldemort jabbed at his robes to emphasise his mistake.

'I'm sorry my Lord, but they were just so similar.'

The surrounding Death Eaters shuffled uncomfortably, whilst they watched the exchange with interest.

'Wormtail…Peter, what does _Navy_ rhyme with?'

'Err…baby?'

'Yes, well done, baby is correct. Now, do you see why I can't wear _navy_ blue? Baby Blue? I AM THE _DARK_ LORD! I CANNOT _PRANCE _AROUND IN ROBES WHICH SOUND LIKE ANOTHER WORD FOR 'INFANT,' IT JUST DOESN'T _FIT _WIYTH MY _EVIL _PERSONNA!'

All eyes were on Wormtail, who nodded mutely.

'Good, now, I shall pass the task of organising my wardrobe to Lucius. I too, hope to achieve the, 'look at me, I look as if I've been sucking on a lemon all day, bet you can't do _that_,' look that he has perfected. Believe me, it was a close call between you and Severus.' Added Voldemort, as Snape snorted. 'But in the end, I decided that '_evil _glare level 3' would suit interrogation purposes and torture just fine.' Severus clenched his jaw. No one would ever achieve _his evil_ glares.

'Now, you must be wondering why I summoned you all to this meeting.'

cricket chirping

'And the answer is that I have founded a _company_.' With no reaction from his audience, Voldemort continued. 'Not just _any_ company, Oh No! A _Birthday Company!_'

Still, no reaction occurred, Voldemort looked towards Bellatrix for some sign of support.

'Birthday surprises that's what we give!

If you don't accept, then you don't live! WOOHOO!'

She finished her little rhyme by shaking 2 black pompoms under Snape's nose.

'Yes, Bellatrix is right! We shall deliver presents to Wizards and muggles alike, killing them if they don't accept them, thus spreading our influence through both worlds, and making people addicted to the services we provide! They will be powerless to stop our reign of _evil_, they will crave our presents so much, that they will not wish us to be destroyed!' Voldemort erupted into a fit of maniacal laughter, and, judging by Nott's watch, it lasted for 5 minutes.

Snape was the first to break the unnerving silence, in which the group found themselves in.

'This is ridiculous.'

Voldemort raised a bald, non-existent eyebrow. 'You really think so?'

'Yes, I do.'

'And have you ever considered what the author thinks?'

Snape gave a quick preview of _evil_ glare level 3.

'Well, what is our dear Author's opinion?'

Me: hello! Severus, I have the quill, the parchment and the keyboard, I can make you do anything…now, do you really feel up to arguing with what I see fit to write? 

'Of course I do, this is a ridiculous idea…'

Me: Oh ho! Have you forgotten the budding ss/hg FF that I've been drafting? You know…that ship has quite a few fans…

Severus paled, 'Fine…Where's the first job?'

Me: (Pointing to Voldemort) Ask the pale dude.

Growling, Snape turned to Voldemort. 'Where's the first job?'

Clapping, and jumping up and down on the balls of his feet, Voldemort replied, 'Her name's Ferpocel, (AKA Ferpotter) you'll find her in Brazil, 'present's in the garden. Off you pop!'

And with that, Snape apparated, taking Wormtail, Lucius and Bellatrix with him.

* * *

Voldemort: So…ya know, It's a hard job been a Dark Lord…I really need a comfy seating arrangement so that my back doesn't 'go', I _am_ in my 60's…wink wink

Me: (smile) Lord Voldemort sat proudly on a silver chair, with green, velvet cushioning, and black drapes surrounding him. A foot rest stood next to the ornate piece of furniture, its' four silver legs, each moulded into four serpents…

Voldemort: Thanks

Me: No problem… 

_AN: Next chapter, sees a present sent to Ferporcel! Sorry about the late update!_


	2. Ferporcel's Birthday Surprise!

_AN/ Forgot this last time, so I'll do it here. I don't own any of the characters mentioned here. They are all property of JK Rowling, and no money is being made. Hope you had a Happy Birthday Fernanda!_

_HBP SPOILERS! PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED!_

The Prisoner of Azkaban Sound Track hummed in the background, as Fernanda marked the page in her book, before setting it down on the arm of her chair, and rising to answer the door.

Today was her Birthday, and she'd had a jolly good time.

_Me: You can tell I'm from England can't you?_

Her family and friends had thrown a huge party for her, and she'd received a large variety of presents. DVD's, games, clothes, money, the cooking book that is passed down from the mother and of course, a car from the father. Fernanda had been waiting all day for it to be delivered, taking advantage of this free time, to reread the Half Blood Prince, and draft some sub-plots to put into her story.

She quickly reached the door, and opened it, revealing a man who looked wholly displeased to say the least.

Greasy black hair hung in limp strands, framing his sallow face, hooked nose, beetle black eyes and a sadistic smirk, which looked strangely familiar.

'S-Severus?' stuttered the shocked, young woman.

'Indeed,' he replied stiffly, as he unfolded a roll of parchment.

'Fernanda, as it is your,' he paused, looking her up and down, silently mocking her for daring to _have_ a present delivered to her house, 'birthday, myself and my…comrades have been sent by the Dark Lord to deliver your present.' The gloomy man gestured lazily behind himself.

Stepping outside, Fernanda stared with unmasked shock at the scene before her.

Two men, and a woman (who were clad in thick, black, robes) were hovering uncertainly by a silver car with a green ribbon tied neatly around it. The watery eyed man on the far left was trying and failing to extinguish the fire that had erupted on his arm. The cause for this small scene was sitting on the ground, deformed with bent, broken candles, reading, 'APPY BIT DAY!'

The tall, blond man in the middle was muttering absently to himself, whilst stroking a silver snake cane. The woman on the far right was busy attempting to 'crucio' any birds present in the area.

'Severus, are they ok?' Fernanda asked, eying the trio with unease.

'Yes, they're just _dandy!_' he drawled sarcastically, 'Of course they're not ok! I've tried to get them sectioned three times this week already!'

Fernanda blinked. 'I'm guessing this is someone's sick idea of a humor fic?'

Snape's glare was enough to assure her that she was correct.

'Happy Birthday.' He growled, eying her with distaste.

'Thanks…' silence descended on the two people, Fernanda worried her bottom lip and watched Snape out of the corner of her eyes, whilst the brooding man narrowed his eyes at her.

'So…'

Scuffing the ground with her left foot, a _very_ long list of questions whizzed through her mind, as she desperately thought of something intelligent to say to the man of her dreams…or fics…

'Are you _really_ _evil?_' She inquired.

'What do you think?' came the dull reply.

'Well, I believe that you _really _killed Dumbledore because he made you promise to do so. You couldn't say no to the man who had been like a father to you for most of your life, and so you did as he said. He ordered you to do _it _because he was already dying from that potion he drank in the cave, and he new that the Order needed a Spy to survive the battle and give them information, even if they might not trust you now. Also, because you fulfilled the Unbreakable Vows, you've guaranteed that the Death Eaters will trust you.' Fernanda quickly took a gulp of air, and waited with baited breath for Snape to respond.

His cold, calculating eyes were still narrowed, but his breathing was quickly speeding up, and his right hand had disappeared into his robes. For one small moment, Fernanda thought that her Birthday was to become her Death day, as Snape withdrew his wand.

'WHAT?' came a screech from behind them. Bellatrix was storming up the garden path, looking like a woman on the edge. Her black hair was on end, her teeth grinding, eyes wide with anger and a thin wand clutched tightly in a shaking fist.

'ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN WORKING FOR DUMBLEDORE? She screamed.

'Did fluffy and I hear right? Severus, you're not a traitor are you?' whimpered Lucius, his bottom lip quivering, and the snake-stroking faltering.

Fernanda backed up, jumping to the shelter of her door, as Snape turned around to face the irate witch and crumbling wizard.

'No Lucius, I am not a traitor,' Snape paralyzed Bellatrix with _evil_ glare lever 2, before continuing, 'I was merely telling our muggle customer here, about a story I've read recently.'

Bellatrix looked unamused, 'we'll see,' and with that, she apparated with a _pop_. 'No doubt gone back to the Dark Lord, complaining about me.' Stated Snape, at seeing Fernanda's worried expression. 'Wormtail! Give me the keys!' He called, as Lucius resumed his cane-stroking hobby, whilst muttering, 'See fluffy? The _precious_ won't leave us…he is too _precioussss…_that brooding characterization, those dark eyes…'

This was too much, 'WORMTAIL! WHERE ARE THOSE KEYS?' Severus was answered by a ring of keys flying past his ear. He stooped and picked them up, holding them on the end of his index finger, waiting for Fernanda to take them, which she did rather shakily. 'Thank you,' she murmured. 'You are welcome, now, if you will excuse us,' Severus placed his wand back under his voluminous robes, before striding over to his comrades. Wormtail had now extinguished the fire, and was now picking at his, were a stain was visible on his sleeve.

Smiling slightly, and quickly gaining a bought of giggles, Fernanda watched the three wizards disapperate, before walking over to her new car…

_Next, what does Voldemort say when Bella 'spills the beans?' And how will Snape cope with Malfoy, when he loses it more than usual?And thanks for the reviews!_


	3. HAND ME THE FLYSWATTER!

Severus, Lucius and Wormtail apparated in the grounds of Riddle Manor. Even from their distance of 200 yards, and many thick, ancient walls, they could hear screeching, breaking china and a repetitive dull thud. The three men looked at each other. Snape, more than any of the others felt a flutter of anxiety in his stomach. If this was how Voldemort reacted to Bellatrix telling him that Severus was a traitor, how would he react when he came face to face with said person?

The Death Eaters took a collective step backwards, as a fork of red lightening chattered a window, and shot into the sky. Yup, clearly someone was throwing a wobbler.

The walk to the entrance of the Manor was spent trying to decipher the shrill screams from within.

The door was opened, and out slithered Nagini, hissing insanely and for once ignoring Wormtail, preferring to escape the battle scene unharmed, rather than have fun and remain tailess for life.

Severus entered first, Lucius behind him, taking the chance to grip the pale mans arm, whilst Wormtail followed lastly.

'Hello?' called Snape in a loud, baritone voice. Lucius giggled, fluffy's emerald eyes glinting at his side - The Potions master was greeted with another ear-wrenching scream - HELP MEEE! – before he threw himself up the stairs, ripping Lucius off his arm and throwing him into Wormtail, who in turn, was thrown off the bottom stair and onto the cold, wooden floor.

'I'm coming, I'll help you Bellatrix! Just hang –' Severus faltered in his bold statement, and stared with a mixture of surprise and amusement, at the scene which lay infront of him. Voldemort, Self Proclaimed 'King of every _evil_ thought ever thinkable' was curled up on the floor, a fly-swatter in one pale hand, his wand in the other. Broken ornaments littered the ground around him, whilst just a little distance from the _evil _wizard, lay a Spider. It could hardly be classed as 'small', but it was no where near the size an Acromantula could reach.

'Help me you fool!' he hissed.

Smirking, Severus pulled out his wand, but was saved from having to do any spellwork, when Alecto bustled up the stairs, shoving Malfoy and Peter out of the way, before boldly striding forward and squashing the _evil _spider under her foot.

'Hurry up Master, you _must _tidy your room before you kill anymore muggles…' she ordered, her frumpy figure and squinting eyes reminding Severus of a slightly disapproving Molly Weasley.

'Yes, Yes, I know. I'll do it in a minute, for now though, I must deal with Bellatrix! BELLATRIX!'

Severus waited, silently splitting his sides with silent laughter. The dark Lord was afraid of _spiders!_

Voldemort stood and turned to face Severus. 'I'm sorry Snape, but Bellatrix has been spreading some nasty rumors around about you. If you'd have come to me sooner, we could have sorted this little spat out earlier, before it escalated. I can't believe that she apparated away from the job. I hope the muggle wasn't too upset.'

'Oh no…the muggle was fine.' Muttered Severus, as Voldemort glided over to a door and began pounding at it.

'You come out _right now_, and apologize to Severus.'

'NO!' came the stiff reply.

Voldemorts red eyes widened, and Severus took this moment of brief surprise to ask him, 'What type of rumors has she been spreading?'

'Oh, mainly that you're a muggle-loving fool, who's been secretly working for Dumbledore for 17 years, and saving lives. That you're really a Half-blood and love furry white kittens…'

Severus glared at the door as if his eyes produced lasers. So intent was he in _evil_ glare level 5, that he nearly fell over in surprise when fluffy's head came crashing down onto the door, creating a large dint in the wood next to his left temple.

'HOW COULD YOU SAY _THAT_ ABOUT SEVERUS? HE'S PERFECT!' Yelled Malfoy, before swinging Fluffy behind him, and descending the silver cane into the door one more time.

'COME OUT AND _FACE ME!'_ He growled.

Silence swam through the corridor, as the 4 wizards and witch waited.

Silence…

More Silence…

And just for fun, more silence…

Silence remained until the author got bored and decided to carry on with the story, Bellatrix wretched the door open, and glared at Malfoy.

'Are you _defending _him?' She spat, disbelieving.

Malfoy smirked. 'Of course I am…'

Baring her teeth, Bellatrix snarled, 'You're just as pitiful as him then,' before launching herself at the angelic wizard.

Severus and Voldemort steppe back as the raven haired witch flew past them. Alecto shook her head, and began to straighten a picture on the wall, as if she'd seen all this before, and Wormtail turned himself into a rat and crawled to the nearest corner.

The witch and wizard spatted, their hands flying up and down and hardly coming into contact, which seemed pointless to Severus, but seemed to make sense to Voldemort, as he squealed, 'OO! Look Severus! She's got him!'

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Severus settled for raising an eyebrow as Bella kicked Lucius in his right shin. The tall wizard fell to the ground, as Fluffy was thrown into the air, and caught by Bella.

'Look who I've got Lucius!' She taunted before running down the stairs, and into the Kitchen, slamming the door behind her.

Lucius, gave a small squeal before following her, blowing up the door once he was on the ground floor.

'Kids eh?' Muttered Alecto, winking at Voldemort, who winked back and smirked.

'Wormtail, come here please.' He ordered, 'I have something for you.'

The small, watery-eyed man appeared, and scurried forwards, to receive a small machine.

'It' a camera. I want you to go downstairs and photograph those two, I need something to put on show in the living room…it needs a lived-in family feel…'

Pettigrew took the camera and ran downstairs to join his two companions.

'And now for you Severus…I wish for you to go back into Hogwarts and find out one of Dumbledore's weaknesses, do you understand?'

Severus nodded, desperate to escape from this madhouse. _Please…anything! Just let me go!_

'Yes my Lord.' Was the Last thing he said, before apparating out of the Manor and back to Hogwarts.

* * *

_AN: Next is Eckostalker's B-day story! Hope people liked this chapter. In case you didn't get it, Voldemort was the one screaming. Please R&R!_


	4. Fancy Taking A Dive?

_AN/ Artimis and Alexis are owned by Deepshadows2 and Eckostalker. JK owns everything else. JK, I salute you!_

Severus apparated on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, aware that for once in his private life, he didn't have Lucius drooling over him. A broad grin spread across his face as he picture Lucius crying over Fluffy's scratched head and splintered tail. God, how he hated that man.

Severus stepped into the midday sun, and spared the lake a glance, resulting in his new-found happiness being ripped away from him, and his jaw falling to the ground.

Climbing the Old Oak, next to the Black Lake, were Artimis Callabella and Alexis Whyte, his two most feared students. For years they had been continuously driving him further into psychological decline, and they seemed to be aiming for his 'retirement' and a term at St Mungo's before they left.

Artimis, his ever vigilant Slytherin was the first to notice his glum figure stalking across the grounds, whilst it took a little longer for this to register with Alexis, who was hoping around the perimeter of the water, hands behind her back, and yelling quite loudly, 'I DON'T KNOW HOW LUPIN EXPECTS US TO DO IT. I MEAN, HOW CAN WE _CATCH _A GRINDYLOW?'

The short Gryffindor turned towards her friend, who was baring a fixed smile. 'Yes Dear friend, I wonder who will aid us in our hour of need…'

As Severus practically jogged past the two girls in an attempt to avoid whatever they were plotting for him next, he didn't miss the exchange, and though he new it was foolish on his part, Severus could feel his need to deduct points rising like a python within him. He really was going to have to sort this addiction out…

'20 points Miss Whyte for causing unjust noise pollution, and I think another 10 points for putting your life in danger. If you go any closer to that Lake, the Squid may feel it necessary to pull you in.' Severus glared at the Gryffindor, daring her to challenge him…he _knew_ it was coming…and he was right…

Alexis batted her eyes at Severus, before slowly, and deliberately taking a step into the lake, the water coming just up to her ankles.

'10 points for defying a member of staff,' muttered Severus, his eyes narrowing.

'Oh no Professor…I'm not _defying_ you, Oh no…I wouldn't ream of doing _that_. No, Artimis and myself need to catch a Grindylow for Professor Lupin, for our next class…'

Severus focused on his wand, clamped tightly in his fist, as he fought to ignore his rapidly rising annoyance. He _did not_ want to know what that _fool_ was teaching, _how_ he was teaching, or what he was currently studying.

'Well I suggest you tell Professor Lupin that Students aren't allowed to go swimming for magical creatures to study in school.'

By now, Artimis had joined her friend, and was staring coolly up at Snape.

'_Students_ aren't allowed Professor, but I bet staff are! I bet you could catch a Grindylow in 10 minutes Sir,' said Alexis with an odd twinkle in her eye.

'I bet 8 Galleons that he does it in 5!' Challenged Artimis.

You're on!' The two girls both gave high-fives, before directing their attention on the Potions Master, who was now secretly wishing that he was back at the manner with Lucius, the cane loving freak, and Voldemort, the _evil_, dark wizard who was scared of Spiders.

Rolling his eyes, Severus pushed past the two girls and continued up towards the castle. 'I will not play part of your ridiculous games,' he said stiffly.

'Hmm, wonder what the school will say when they find out that _Professor_ Snape is scarred of Grindylows and water…' whispered Alexis, too loud to be ignored.

Severus paused in his departure, took a deep breath, and realized with some twisted amusement, that those two girls had tricked him into one of their _little_ ploys again…_wonder what the school will say when they find out Snape's gone swimming, _thought Severus sarcastically.

He turned around quickly, casting his robes through the air and onto a branch of the nearby tree, before toeing his shoes off, and placing his socks into them. Next, he unbuttoned his frock coat and draped that next to his black robes.

'50 point Miss Whyte, for possibly getting a member of staff killed by the squid…and Miss Callabella? 10 points for failing to stop this-this-this injustice!' hissed Severus before walking into the lake, his wand clutched in his fist, whilst his (now visible) white shirt was caressed by the wind, and his black pants disappeared into the murky depths of the unknown…

* * *

_AN/ Ok, yeah, second chapter's coming up for Ecko- promise! Can you guess what's gonna happen to Severus in the Lake? Just think back to the film, and what Dan went through!..I have plans! Hope you had/have a great B-day Ecko!_

_Thanks to everyone who has left a review, they're greatly appreciated, I've left a reply for WunderWitch in there, and can only say PLEASE KEEP R&R! Thanks!_


	5. I'M PRESSING CHARGES!

Once ¾ of his body was submerged in the bone-chilling water, Severus murmured a quiet warming spell. Choosing to ignore the grinning girls behind him, and face them later, he took a deep breath of air, and pulled his head of greasy, black hair under the water.

* * *

On land, Artimis and Alexis exchanged giddy remarks which resulted in Alexis transfiguring herself into her wolf-form and running towards the school. Artimis watched her retreating form for a few minutes, occasionally hearing Severus break the surface of the lake for a fresh breath of air.

'Where has that insufferable friend of yours got to?' he barked on his third return trip to the surface.

Artimis turned her attention to her teacher, and tried to straighten the sudden quirk in her lip, as it threatened to smirk at Snapes sopping wet hair.

'She was needed by one of the Professors,' Artimis lied quickly. She wasn't put into Slytherin for nothing. Severus nodded before diving back into the blackness beneath him.

Letting out the giggles which had threatened to break her composure, Artimis sat on the sloping grass and continued to watch the rather athletic performance of her Professor.

* * *

Alexis had her paws planted firmly into the ornate rug lining Lupins' office floor, whilst said person was trying desperately to free his robes from the playful wolfs strong jaws.

'Now really Alexis, I need that Grindylow, I cannot spend time running into another one of your tricks.' The wolf paused in her head shaking and let go of her Professors' robes, before regretfully transforming back to her human form and grabbing his other, less salivated sleeve.

'Quick Professor! You've got to see this! _COME ON!_' Alexis yanked Lupin towards the door, but still he hesitated.

'Alexis,' he chastised lightly, 'Tell me first.'

Deciding that it was the quickest way to get her Professor to the Lake, she replied, 'Professor Snape's gone swimming!' The look on Lupins' face was priceless. He gaped at her for a few seconds before barrelling out of the door, the short Gryffindor following him.

* * *

Artimis sighed with relief as she saw the near-white hair of her friend reflecting the sunlight, accompanying a rather anxious looking Lupin. This was gonna be good…

'Where's Severus?' He panted once he'd reached her.

Artimis pointed towards the lake, snorting as Lupin whimpered.

'W-Why?' he stammered.

Alexis waltzed over to her friends' side-they shrugged in unison.

'But-' Lupin paused as bubbles began to appear on the Lakes' surface and a large pink tentacle burst into the air, ripping a branch off the Oak, taking it back into the water, to it's owner.

The three onlookers waited, and, a moment later, were rewarded with Severus Snape jumping to the surface, his face obscured by something which looked like miniscule tentacles.

'OO! Do we have baby squids now?'

'How? We only have one? Muttered Artimis.

'Maybe it's A-sexual…ya know…like some frogs…' replied Alexis.

Severus squealed as more tentacles wrapped themselves around his head. He swam blindly into shallower water, and staggered ashore. Now his whole torso was visible, and what the girls saw made them gawp like they'd seen a manticore.

The Potions Master was covered from head to toe in baby Grindylows, whilst twigs and leaves stuck out of any visible orifices. Obviously the Giant Squid had tried to help.

_And the author wanted to make Snape's situation worse…hehe_

Lupin was the first to act. He strode forwards and hexed the creatures off Snape, paralysing one of them to take back to his class, while Artimis and Alexis rolled around helplessly on the ground, in fits of uncontrollable laughter, at the sight of Snape, sopping wet, assaulted by Grindylows, and bearing the signs of an overly protective Squid.

'50 points each,' he snapped savagely as he passed them, charming his clothes to follow him, as he squelched up to the castle, with what little dignity he had left. Although, he did manage to do something which made him feel a little better. Alexis now had green hair, whilst Artimis had quickly growing front teeth…

* * *

Yet again, Happy B-day Ecko!


	6. Authors 'buttin' session

_Howdy!_

_I'll just jump right in! I originally began this fic with the hopes that it would be a new story every chapter, but due to birthdays and the problem with linking different chapters together, it appears that I've wrote a small fic. _

_So, from now on, I'm gonna make it a story per chapter, the next one will be up soon, and I'm also hoping to have a valentines day fic up in the next few days ready for Valentines day with a picture to go with it on my LJ._

_Thought I'd post this to stop any confusion. Toodles!_

_Snape: Oh lucky me…another valentines fic for me…_

_Doge: Hey! I've being putting pen to paper for you for over a year now! Show a little enthusiasm!_

_Snape: After all the crap you've put me through?_

_Doge: cackling _


	7. Valentines Advice

The doorbell to the Death Eater Headquarters, AKA Riddle Mansion rang. (Queen – I want it all)

Enter Lord Voldemort. Today he was sporting his lovely, crimson-

_Voldemort: BLOOD RED!_

-Blood red dressing gown, slightly open at the top, to expose three curly black chest hairs, indeed, the only hairs to be found on Voldemorts' body…oh my, how manly…(please note the sarcasm)

_Voldemort: evil glare level one!_

Padding over to the large oak door in his BLOOD RED dressing down and cute bunny slippers-

_Voldemort: AVADA KE-_

-he opened the door and was greeted by repetitive slapping on the head by none other than Albus Dumbledore.

'Happy Valentines Day Tom! Got to encourage that hair growth now, don't we? Remember no one will support you as _Evil _Ruler of the Wizarding World without a good head of hair! It even helps to increase your luck with the fan girls… Just look at Severus!'

camera cuts to Snape, barely visible under an increasing mound of women, throwing themselves bodily at his pretty carcass

And now, the author must join Mount Severus, so…The End.

Runs towards crushed Severus and women; red roses and chocolates hanging from arms


	8. We have a Deal

_AN: A fic for Saint Patrick's Day! Let's see what happens when all the Irish characters in the Harry Potter series get invited to Riddle Mansion, and meet the house keepers!_

_

* * *

'My Lord, might I ask why you feel it necessary to host an all Irish Party, when you yourself are not Irish?'_

The Dork Lord cocked a bald 'eyebrow' at Wormtail.

'I'll have you know that in my extended family, I have _many_ Irish links! My grandmothers' cousin lives in Belfast, my grandfathers', brothers', mother-in-law lives in Dublin, and three of my twelve mystery children live with my unknown brother in a shack in some woods…and you tell me that I have no Irish blood? How _very _dare you!'

The Dork Lord Voldemort turned back towards his guests; the Irish National Quidditch Team, Seamus Finnigan and a currently incapacitated Mad-Eye Moody.

'I apologize…now, where were we?' Voldemort grinned _evilly._

'Er…you were telling us about your china.'

'Yes it's simply wonderful isn't it?' Eight of the nine guests stared in horror at the shockingly pink cups and saucers, whilst they were each perched on multi-coloured bean bags.

'Lucius bought it from a street vender in Knockturn Alley, apparently they poisoned the drinks they held, and killed their last owner.'

Seamus automatically spat his hot chocolate back into the container, whilst the Quidditch team merely kept a steely grin plastered on each of their faces.

'Drink up!' Voldemort tilted the blindingly pink cup, and drank, one little finger pointing out. The guests stared in horror.

'Sooo…love the seating arrangements…'

Voldemort flashed a dazzling grin that spoke of too much bleaching before answering, 'Why yes, young Seamus. The poufs are rather comfy…plus, they work wonders when you've had a hard day sitting on Big Daddy…'

'S'cuse me. Big Daddy?' questioned Troy uncertainly.

'Ah, my chair…'

'Yes, he has a _special _chair, because he's a _special_ boy.' Lucius walked over to Voldemort, standing by his side, trying to look 'tough', but really only serving to add to the confusion in this story as to whether they are a couple or not.

'Right…Sooo,'

'Look, we really don't mean to be rude, but why are we here? We have a Quidditch match in _checks watch_ 5 minutes.'

'Yes…I know _all_.' insert fancy, weird hand gesture here

'Eh?' Lynch shuffled closer to Quigley, who was sliding as far away from Voldemort as possible.

'I know _all..._' Still receiving blank looks, Voldemort aborted the 'Godly' image he had been striving for.

'Look kids, I know you have a match, and that today is Saint Patrick's' Day, I just thought that you might like to win this match…make it memorable?'

The Quidditch team exchanged glances, whilst Seamus, realizing that this conversation had nothing more to do with, had turned to prodding Moody repeatedly.

'And how do we win?' Asked Troy.

Voldemort snapped his thin fingers, and Wormtail disappeared into the Hall.

'You make an agreement with me, and I give you a potion…'

'What sort of agreement?'

'Oh…well' Voldemort sighed, 'You give me your freedom in exchange for a winning streak of 20 matches…'

Mullet (by name, Mullet by nature) leapt out of his bean bag and yelled, 'Sure! Don't have any freedom anyway, I always have to do what Connolly says…'

'Like hell you do! It's Troy who always bosses us around.'

As Troy stood up to join the argument, a silver snake cane made contact with Connolly's head, causing him to fall to the floor unconscious.

'There's a good girl…Fluffy,' whispered Lucius, stroking the cane and ignoring the body lying at his feet. Voldemort turned his attention to Moran. 'What I'm proposing is that your team becomes Death Eaters and does my _evil _bidding.'

'Whatever…as long as there's free food involved, I'll work for anyone…'

'Brilliant.' Voldemort paused, 'Wormtail? Where is our Potions Master?'

What sounded like a minor fight erupted in the hall. 'He's – he's coming my Lord.'

'People, meet my Potions Master, spy and current cleaner, Severus Snape.'

From around the corner of the door, came a sallow faced man wearing a light pink apron over a black frock coat and pants. The scowl on his face looked as if it had been driven home with a mallet, whilst one arm held Wormtail a head look, the other was clenched firmly around his wand. The man inclined his head towards his guests, snarling at Seamus, who had now prodded Moody into consciousness, and was proceeding to braid his hair.

'Severus, please show them the potion, and release Wormtail!' Severus complied.

'Do we have a deal then Mr Moran?'

The young man looked towards his team, then to the auror and the pupil, and finally to Snape, Malfoy, Wormtail and the Dork Lord. Could they really learn to live alongside these freaks who drank from killer cups and lived in a Mansion devoid of any colour sense and modern style? And could they learn to accept that they would be living with a man far too attached to his cane than was normal?

He smiled slightly at Voldemort, extending a hand, 'I think we have a deal.'

_----------_

_AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are always welcome! _

_Also, on another note, Deepshadows2 is gonna have her own B-day fic posted soon. If you like Snape, you'll love it!_


	9. Never Tell Voldemort

_AN: I don't own any of these characters, JK has that happy pleasure. Happy Easter!_

**Never Tell Voldemort that the Easter Bunny is Fictional**

'Can we go in yet? Please?' came the nagging voice of Lucius Malfoy as he hopped up and down with barely contained excitement.

Snape looked to the kitchen window where a 'thumbs up sign' could be seen.

'Sure,' he muttered as the blond idiot and his pimp stick zoomed past, closely followed by a bald, marble-skinned freak in an overly large black cloak.

'OHH! Has he been? Can you see Lucius? Move it! Let me past!'

The two men fought briefly to get through the front door first, once in the Manor however, their scrambling turned into jubilation.

'Severus! Come quick! He's been!'

'Look! You can see his paw-prints on the carpet! Look Fluffy, look!'

Severus waltzed up behind the two men and smirked. Bella had drawn giant rabbit prints on the floor with a piece of chalk, just like they'd planned. You had to keep the Dork Lord and Malfoy happy somehow.

Bella suddenly emerged from a side room and stood next to Snape.

'They fall for it?'

Severus nodded, 'Thank Merlin nobody's told them that the Easter…ahem…the Easter _Bunny _doesn't exist.'

All chatter ceased as Malfoy and Voldemort turned around slowly…

* * *

Seconds later, the villagers of Little Hangleton were witness to what the Authorities would later state as a gas explosion from Riddle Manor.

During the next hour, a large majority of the Death Eaters who were on the Ministry's most wanted list, had filtered into St Mungo's with various hex marks and curses on their person…this was an Easter they wouldn't forget in a hurry…


End file.
